When I was younger and much more miscreant in my behavior, I used to be able to identify a Crown Victoria by the shape of their headlights in my rear view mirror. I could even discern the year and model of the car by where the parking lights were located. The earlier models had one contiunous orange light under a double headlight. Later models moved the parking lights over next to the one dual-use headlight in a more oval shape.

Like Superpowers dismantling nuclear arsenals, I really don’t have much of a use for identifying the make and model of the car behind me at night anymore.

But those Crown Vics are distinctive cars. And the older, more responsible me has become pretty adept at identifying the rev and hum of the engine when one is speeding down the street in front of my house.

For a second I had a momentary flashback to mucky floodlines while lamenting that all the wild duck gumbo was ladled out cup-by-cup and gone on New Year’s Day…

Looks like…

Every year it’s a crap shoot when I go to City Hall to renew my Jackson Square license. Will it be chaos or smooth? It’s been about 50/50 the last few years. This year went pretty smooth. I only had two notable observations.

1.) A foreign man applying for a business license was surrounded by a few city workers who tried to explain to him some process that even in English sounded a bit complicated. After ascertaining that he understood what was going on, the man then tried to explain to them how the entire process was “Kafkaesque” telling them who Kafka was, where he was from, so on…

2.) The entire Department of Revenue smelled like Hot Wing farts.

Well, I do curse at the tourists though it’s more self-righteous, insulting cursing rather than “vicious.” Even though I know it violates Rule #3 under Ethical Conduct on The Noble Eightfold Path.

Would totally put a mummified cat in a piece…if I only had a mummified cat.

There are stories of him trashing art galleries and studios. Handcuffing a woman to his stove. Sticking a mummified cat in one of his works. Going on lithium and alcohol binges that left him a wreck. Cursing at tourists viciously. Sitting in streets with his muddy tennis shoes and rumpled clothing, looking like a bum. Drawing on napkins, grocery bags and just about anything else he liked. Sitting in bars, drinking and trying to get women to go to bed with him.

Noel Rockmore, ‘Picasso of New Orleans,’ revisited

Great AP article. In a related note, in the same position on Nola.com yesterday was a story about a Connecticut house fire.

I could have spent more time with the seams but…

Credit for original image goes to Times-Pic photographer Mathew Hinton and I will certainly cease and desist if they want me too.

For some reason, when watching this…

I couldn’t help but think of this…

Help me! Help me! The linebackers are chasing me! They almost got me! They almost got me. Gott a score! Ima leap! Ima leap! Touchdown! Time to dunk!

Maybe it’s because I’m reading / watching a lot of Joe Campbell lately but I am looking for the narrative in everything these days. And for me, in sports, the narrative is the best part. The long story arch of a franchise over time, a team’s single season struggles, the changing of leads through a game, a player’s rise or descent from the bench to starter and back.

And the narrative for the New Orleans Saints through the rest of 2011 is rich indeed.

Think of them as the “soul takers.” They are Santa Muerta. They are Azrael, worshipers of Shiva, the Great Destroyer. Beginning with last night’s demoralizing defeat of the New York Giants, the Saints will now face three more teams in the next four weeks that are hoping for a wildcard birth and a chance at Super Bowl glory.

Any win against any of these teams will be more than just a win. Not only will each victory elevate the Saints a notch in the playoff picture and knock back their opponent but will also give the Saints the half point advantage in a tie due to head-to-head victories.

The Saints can take into these battles the experience of a recent Super Bowl victory but also the shame of last year’s first round playoff defeat, wounded warriors they.

And their foes?

Already vanquished was the last-Manning-standing New York Giants, a team that, when defeated in 2006 and 2009 has been a harbinger of deep playoff runs. The Giants now stand on the outside looking in on the playoff picture and it doesn’t get any easier for them this week vs. Green Bay at home. I’m actually pulling for them. Would love to see them back in the Dome in the first round. If we don’t catch the Niners of course.

Next up, a perennial loser franchise in Detroit that started strong but has been showing weakness as of late with a distraction on the Defensive line perhaps giving Drew Brees plenty of time to throw any number of touchdown passes. The Lions are also on the wrong side of the playoff standings. If they want to make the Playoffs for the first time in a decade or even perhaps win a playoff game for the first time since, I don’t know, I was a VIRGIN … then they’ll need to overcome the Angels of Death that are the Saints on Sunday. Further narrative can be found in this match up via the old “Christians thrown to the Lions” and “former perennial loser vs. current perennial loser” match ups.

Then, as if dashing the hopes of NFC teams weren’t enough, The Saints can blow into the AFC picture and badly damage the Titans hopes of getting in. The playoff picture is a little more competitive over there so any loss is going to hurt those teams. In the NFC it’s looking like two teams out of the Saints, Bears, Cowboys, Falcons, Giants and Lions won’t make it in. In the AFC it’s deeper than that as only two games separate the #1 seed and missing the playoffs with 10 teams still in the hunt. Perhaps the Titans will already be out of it by the time we play them though.

Not in contention but still a great narrative will be the Vikes week after next in Minnesota.

Then, a very good Atlanta team in a vendetta kind of mood following their loss at home earlier this year and a bad record versus Payton / Brees in general. Atlanta faces the Texans this weekend and then the schedule eases up for them with the exception of the Saints at home on Boxing Day. I will personally oversee the destruction!

Of course, the narrative could be that the teams are going to be playing their hearts out against the Saints who seem to have some issue with really staying motivated. Either way, the football’s going to be good!

A final note, if the Saints get the first round game at home it will fall right in with the Sugar Bowl and BCS championship, making it three amazing football events in one week at the Dome.

I am assuming after Montgomery Ward’s “Rudolph” and Jack Rollins and Steve Nelson’s “Frosty” earned mad cash for their creators, this fella Lou Monte figured the next logical step would be to get in on the action with “Dominic the Donkey.” I guess for every Soundgarden and Nirvana you get a Candlebox. For every Star Wars and Star Trek you get a “Battle Beyond the Stars“… a rip-off that’s just a little late and a little less good.

Edit: Had to add this shaky Raleigh footage of the same fresh faced kid, a little less hair, a little more weight, a decade and change later, doing that Letterman song at one of those “City” concerts and the crowd is still loving it and he’s still feeling it damnit. Oh, Rock! You have given so much to us.

I have probably made the New Orleans to Pensacola / Pensacola to New Orleans drive down 1-10 a hundred times in my life. I know it takes 3 hours almost exactly. I have seen the “Rocketships of Mobile” sprout from their skyline. I have seen the old Twin Spans go down and the new ones come up. I always comment how Brett Favre grew up in Kiln. I evacuated from Katrina down that way and crept on back a few weeks later. I have mistakenly drifted down I-59, stoned and confused. I have stopped in Biloxi for some slots. I have said “fuck it” and taken HWY 90 the whole way (it takes three times as long but is worth it).

One of the sites along the way is always the Billboards around Biloxi advertising which artist is doing the Casino circuit. There are frequent appearances by Pat Benatar and Sinbad and something called Creedence Clearwater Revisited.

The acts have stepped up a notch in recent years with the addition of the Hard Rock Casino. I think it may have reached its peak on Dec. 3 because Judas Priest is coming.

To many people, Priest may seem like just another metal band from the ’80s but to metal fans they are really in rare air. They weren’t a hair, band they were METAL. Like Dio. Like Dokken. Like Sabbath.

And the Biloxi show? It’s sold out. But that’s okay, because the real fun will be out in the parking lot. Because not only is Priest held in such high regard among Metal fans. They are also responsible for the best underground VHS tape EVER, EVER, EVER. Simply titled, “Heavy Metal Parking Lot.”

Sproadic clips can be found on YouTube. Among the highlights, “Zebra Man” Who extols the virtues of Metal and disses punbk and Madonna whom he refers to as a “dick.” This remains the only time I have ever heard a woman referred to as a “dick.”

See if you can figure out the funniest part about this clip featuring David who, before he departs for a career in the armed forces is “ready to rock.”

Finally, this woman comes about as close as possible to the living embodiment of my inner voice as I’ve seen. Except that part about fucking Rob Halford of course…

Also, be sure to catch “Graham-like-gram-of-dope-and-shit.”