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Rising Tide… Ahhh! Giant Bug!

Posted on August 27, 2009 by Varg

I have been meaning to write a Rising Tide post but after last night I have to defer the post to another day while I indulge you in one of the primary reasons for blogging in this modern era…giant effin bugs!

We saw this fella last night in the laundry room and it is plainly stated the biggest thing I have seen in my house that wasn’t a mammal (and to be honest it’s bigger than that mouse we spotted a year or so ago).

See photos….

Now, when this thing moved, it looked like some CGI special effect or something. It was very fast. Like a mouse. Extremely creepy to observe. Cringe-inducing really. My usual method for disposing of large palmetto bugs is to pump my air rifle up a few times and shooting them with the puff of air that comes out. No pellets in it, just compressed air. It’s usually enough to kill them Jon-Erik Hexum style. I made the decision since we were about to go to bed that we couldn’t just have this thing running around the house. He could have easily made his way into the bedroom. He could run as fast as a man could walk. So I fired the air rifle at him and it seemed to scare him a bit and he ran behind a peice of art but otherwise, no damage.

Luckily for him the art was right by the back door and I started moving it back and forth until he stepped out to see who the hell was messing with him and I was able to knock him out the back door with a broom.

Romy and I looked him up after and he fit the description of this spider…

Huntsman spider

While frequently very large – in Laos, Heteropoda maxima males can attain a legspan of 250–300 mm (9.8–11.8 in) – they are (like the vast majority of spiders) not deadly to humans. They do bite if provoked, but the victim will suffer only minor swelling and localized pain, and will recover in a day or two. Some larger types resemble tarantulas, and that term is sometimes loosely applied to them by Australians as well as the similar-sounding slang name ‘triantelope’.[1] Huntsman spiders can generally be identified by their legs, which, rather than being jointed vertically relative to the body, are twisted such that the legs extend forward in a crab-like fashion.

That “crab like” shit? Right own. This bastard moved like a crab!

Also, note the large red, glowing orb on his back. Okay, it’s probably an effect on the flash. Or is it?

9 thoughts on “Rising Tide… Ahhh! Giant Bug!”

  1. HammHawk says:
    August 27, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Interesting description because arachnophobia is actually strongly related to people with a low disgust threshold (I guess it’s low–get grossed out easily). And one of the proposed reasons is that there’s something “disgusting” about how they move, so I thought it was interesting that you focused on that. My wife is phobic (truly) and very easily disgusted, so she fits the bill for the two characteristics.

    My understanding is that huntsmans (huntsmen?) are really common in Australia, and it’s one reason she’s reluctant to go there.

    Spiders don’t bother me, but that’s one guy (gal, more likely, since male arachnids usually hibernate til they mate and get eaten, and they’re usually smaller, but I don’t know about this species) I wouldn’t really like to see in my house.

  2. jeffrey says:
    August 27, 2009 at 11:32 am

    We came home and found one of those in the house one night and decided it needed to die. I don’t care to be painfully (if not fatally) bitten but mostly there was no way I was going to find out what effect it might have on my cat through trial and error.

  3. Cousin Pat from Georgia says:
    August 27, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    I can’t stand those things. Though I like how you use a Monopoly game piece to describe forensic scale.

    I can’t remember how big the Park Avenue Mutt was, so the third picture means nothing to me. Try a pic with a dollar bill, I’m sure it will be quite shocking.

  4. liprap says:
    August 27, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    Your Google ads now feature PermaTreat, which offers 10% off treatment for brown recluse spiders. But damn, after seeing the pictures of that huntsman, I’d almost prefer a brown recluse. Almost. Spiders, UGH.

  5. rickacrossdariver says:
    August 27, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    oops, shoe up side your haid , shoe up side your haid.

    this is one time when smash and ask questions later is o.k.

    liprap ask anyone who has ever suffered a recluse bite.

    you do not want that in your life.

  6. BeverlyRevelry says:
    August 27, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    Are you sure it wasn’t just a Granddaddy Long Legs? And harmless?

  7. Varg says:
    August 27, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    Rick, I managed to save it but I maintained the right to kill it if I had to. Luckily it positioned itself by the door and was swept out.

    Bev, This thing eats Grandaddy longlegs for breakfast.

    Cuz, I never knew that piece had a name.

  8. GentillyGirl says:
    August 27, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    We had one of those in the dumpster we lived in until last year. I couldn’t catch up with it and the catz ran from the front room and didn’t go back in for a few days.

    I’m a live and let live type of gal, but spiders are to never be seen by me. I was bitten by a Reluse many years ago and almost died.

  9. liprap says:
    August 28, 2009 at 6:58 am

    Had someone in my yoga class I took a while back who was absent from it for a while. Turned out she’d been bit by a brown recluse on her hand and she felt the venom traveling up her arm almost instantly. if she hadn’t gotten treatment for it as soon as she had, she might have lost the arm and God knows what else.

    I can’t decide, though, if a spider’s size is more frightening or the poison of its tools, so to speak. I mean, UGH, gottagonowthisisgrossingmeout.

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3 Noble Truths

Know yourself. Know the Universe. Know yourself in the Universe.

Rev. Varg’s Artist Statement

Rejoice!

I say that a lot. I sign many pieces with it. I do this because I believe our lives are a true happenstance. A brilliant occurence from nothingness. We are so rare. We are so unlikely. And simply being born isn’t enough. From there we must survive, endure. So each morning, after our Sun departs and is reborn again. Please, for the sake of your ancestors and the Universe in general, hoist that cup of joe up and say, “Rejoice.”

Ours is a soulful existence. No matter how many McMansions, polyester fabrics, auto-tunes, modified foods and social networks we surround ourselves with, we are all still native, passionate beings made of ancient matter. We are organic and we have soul.

Wood also has a warm, soulful quality. Wood has a memory. It retains smells, traumas, events. It even has a calendar. This is why I have chosen it as my medium, for its old soul. I like to think the wood in my work is in its third incarnation. First a tree, then a home and now art. If you have a room that needs a little soul, get a piece. A room can never have enough soul.

My inspiration and subject matter comes from many sources, among them: Humanism, old ballads, trickster tales, flora and fauna, science, myths and folklore, stringed instruments, brass bands, amber spirits, lady vocalists, general relativity and quantum mechanics. Some of my pieces are there just to make a short, simple statement about what’s important in life. Some are more diffuse and abstract in meaning. A personal drama, an enduring line from a poem or novel, a poignant song lyric, the legacy of an important person, a fleeting thought … these are the subjects of my art.

I use hearts often because they are a very abstract way of depicting the human soul without also employing the very subjective human form. The symbolic heart is an apt representation for a person’s experience and essence. A body can immediatly conjure happiness, sorrow, youth, age, anger, bliss. These emotions can get in the way. Sometimes it’s simply about the experience.

I am the son of a sailor and a social worker, the grandson of a gypsy, a dancer and a nurse. I spent my youth moving from port city to port city, watching a lot of road go by and reading World Book Encyclopedia. After my parents settled down on the Gulf Coast, I was a miscreant youth, destroying cars and taking the wrongs things too seriously and the right things not serious enough. Eventually I began replacing my imagination with experience.

I will use any salvaged wood but prefer swamp cypress and longleaf heartwood pine.

I despise waste. Particularly the waste of organic matter. Trees are magnificent. They were here before we arrived and they’ll be around after we are gone. I’m making an effort to save as much wood as possible. Creating art is fun too. But beyond communicating with folks, but beyond making money ad providing for myself, beyond rescuing flooded parts, beyond reveling in the ethereal aroma of heartpine that hasn’t seen the light of day in 400 years, beyond all that, I am trying to make a simple comment on waste.

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