Nola.comedy

Posted on February 16, 2009 by Varg

It’s not a puzzle why the lunatics flock to Nola.com’s message boards. Take at look at these awful heds…

This one is just full of lunacy! They are using “horse sense because they are on horses! And the drunk tourists they are wrangling are party “animals.” Hey, horses are animals!

Planes land at airports and they are stored in hangars!

Dead people are buried at cemeteries. A historic spot is being repaired damage. Therefore it is coming back to life! What about “Chalmette National Cemetery Coming Back From the Dead”?

Nola.com, can you please just report the damn news? The only people that think these awful headlines are cute are idiots interns. Just report the news. Don’t report it from this bias or that one. Don’t dress it up as something it isn’t. Just tell us what happened. Tell us everything that happened. Don’t tell us someone else is telling us what’s happening. Just tell us yourself. And don’t try to be so cute about it.

And don’t let interns and temps write heds. Unless of course this is coming from above and if so how do you apply for this job?

You know, Idiocracy was on Cable last night.

3 thoughts on “Nola.comedy”

liprap says:

February 16, 2009 at 11:33 am

I guess what Bill Hicks said about the pro-lifers has come into effect: they are blocking the cemeteries, now. “There’s options!”
HammHawk says:

February 16, 2009 at 2:33 pm

I hadn’t noticed them til you put them together like that. Are they aspiring (and failing) to be our version of the NY Post? Sheesh.
Mary says:

February 17, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Feel better lance!

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Rejoice!

I say that a lot. I sign many pieces with it. I do this because I believe our lives are a true happenstance. A brilliant occurence from nothingness. We are so rare. We are so unlikely. And simply being born isn’t enough. From there we must survive, endure. So each morning, after our Sun departs and is reborn again. Please, for the sake of your ancestors and the Universe in general, hoist that cup of joe up and say, “Rejoice.”

Ours is a soulful existence. No matter how many McMansions, polyester fabrics, auto-tunes, modified foods and social networks we surround ourselves with, we are all still native, passionate beings made of ancient matter. We are organic and we have soul.

Wood also has a warm, soulful quality. Wood has a memory. It retains smells, traumas, events. It even has a calendar. This is why I have chosen it as my medium, for its old soul. I like to think the wood in my work is in its third incarnation. First a tree, then a home and now art. If you have a room that needs a little soul, get a piece. A room can never have enough soul.

My inspiration and subject matter comes from many sources, among them: Humanism, old ballads, trickster tales, flora and fauna, science, myths and folklore, stringed instruments, brass bands, amber spirits, lady vocalists, general relativity and quantum mechanics. Some of my pieces are there just to make a short, simple statement about what’s important in life. Some are more diffuse and abstract in meaning. A personal drama, an enduring line from a poem or novel, a poignant song lyric, the legacy of an important person, a fleeting thought … these are the subjects of my art.

I use hearts often because they are a very abstract way of depicting the human soul without also employing the very subjective human form. The symbolic heart is an apt representation for a person’s experience and essence. A body can immediatly conjure happiness, sorrow, youth, age, anger, bliss. These emotions can get in the way. Sometimes it’s simply about the experience.

I am the son of a sailor and a social worker, the grandson of a gypsy, a dancer and a nurse. I spent my youth moving from port city to port city, watching a lot of road go by and reading World Book Encyclopedia. After my parents settled down on the Gulf Coast, I was a miscreant youth, destroying cars and taking the wrongs things too seriously and the right things not serious enough. Eventually I began replacing my imagination with experience.

I will use any salvaged wood but prefer swamp cypress and longleaf heartwood pine.

I despise waste. Particularly the waste of organic matter. Trees are magnificent. They were here before we arrived and they’ll be around after we are gone. I’m making an effort to save as much wood as possible. Creating art is fun too. But beyond communicating with folks, but beyond making money ad providing for myself, beyond rescuing flooded parts, beyond reveling in the ethereal aroma of heartpine that hasn’t seen the light of day in 400 years, beyond all that, I am trying to make a simple comment on waste.