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Ice Cold Beer From My Ice Cold Dead Hands

Posted on May 31, 2011May 31, 2011 by Varg

Though I am mostly a pinko liberal when it comes to most things government related, I have always made it a point to tout my harshly libertarian views on liquor laws (and, among closer friends, vice laws altogether). I have often wanted to create and propagate a “from my cold dead hands” slogan for those of us who want big government’s filthy stinking hands off our beer, wine and whiskey.

I have even started a Facebook page called, The Liquor Lobbyists that my friend Randy and I envisioned while driving through several adjacent dry counties in Alabama after a long hike. Each store we passed would tempt us with neon signs that in the distance we automatically skewed into the words “Bud Lite” and “Miller” but as we drew closer to them from down the long dark roads we discovered they only flashed “Coke.” Our resoning at the time would be to form a lobby which would aim to prevent any dry counties from being adjacent to another dry county. We would first aim to do this on the local level and then, failing that, move up to state and national congresses. The counties we were driving through at the time were Walker and Winston and, after reading a little bit about Winston on Wikipedia, I am thinking we would have a better shot convicing the residents of Walker County to lift the oppressive thumb of government from the ripe fecundity of liberty.

Last year, I celebrated a victory for the general Liquor movement when free market dictated to local drug store Walgreens that liquor sales were a necessary margin they needed to fill in their ongoing market struggle with CVS and Rite Aid…

Walgreens Selling Beer! Liberty At Last!

Now I read that our triumph has gone one step furthur as the free market has agin shined on the Liquor Lobby by Walgreens producing their own domestic lager…

Walgreens’ 50-cent beer
The drugstore chain has begun selling its own brew at rock-bottom prices. Reviewers are claiming it gave them headaches, but will the beer-swilling masses respond?

Check out the how the free market of booze directly contributed to their recent decisions…

In this tough economy, consumers are looking for value and ways to make their money go further. Big Flats 1901 offers our customers a premium lager at a good value. -Kathleen Burns, senior marketing manager at Winery Exchange.

If that aint a victory for the free market, I don’t know what is. However, that “premium lager” part is suspect as reviews from the This Week article have shown. My favoriute being quoted below…

at $3 for a six pack, I’d definitely give it a shot” to “I’d probably try it once” to “I tried the 7-11 beer and it couldn’t be any worse than that.

7-11 beer you may ask?

It pairs with microwave burritos
7-Eleven to begin selling ‘Game Day,’ its own beer brand

3 thoughts on “Ice Cold Beer From My Ice Cold Dead Hands”

  1. jeffrey says:
    June 1, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    As far as I can tell, not available Uptown.

  2. rickacrosstheriver says:
    June 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    hey brah , oyster fest was retarded today.

    we sold twice today what we sold both days last year.

    hope ya make some money on the fence sunday.

    good luck .

  3. Varg Vargas says:
    June 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Come by and holla next time.

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3 Noble Truths

Know yourself. Know the Universe. Know yourself in the Universe.

Rev. Varg’s Artist Statement

Rejoice!

I say that a lot. I sign many pieces with it. I do this because I believe our lives are a true happenstance. A brilliant occurence from nothingness. We are so rare. We are so unlikely. And simply being born isn’t enough. From there we must survive, endure. So each morning, after our Sun departs and is reborn again. Please, for the sake of your ancestors and the Universe in general, hoist that cup of joe up and say, “Rejoice.”

Ours is a soulful existence. No matter how many McMansions, polyester fabrics, auto-tunes, modified foods and social networks we surround ourselves with, we are all still native, passionate beings made of ancient matter. We are organic and we have soul.

Wood also has a warm, soulful quality. Wood has a memory. It retains smells, traumas, events. It even has a calendar. This is why I have chosen it as my medium, for its old soul. I like to think the wood in my work is in its third incarnation. First a tree, then a home and now art. If you have a room that needs a little soul, get a piece. A room can never have enough soul.

My inspiration and subject matter comes from many sources, among them: Humanism, old ballads, trickster tales, flora and fauna, science, myths and folklore, stringed instruments, brass bands, amber spirits, lady vocalists, general relativity and quantum mechanics. Some of my pieces are there just to make a short, simple statement about what’s important in life. Some are more diffuse and abstract in meaning. A personal drama, an enduring line from a poem or novel, a poignant song lyric, the legacy of an important person, a fleeting thought … these are the subjects of my art.

I use hearts often because they are a very abstract way of depicting the human soul without also employing the very subjective human form. The symbolic heart is an apt representation for a person’s experience and essence. A body can immediatly conjure happiness, sorrow, youth, age, anger, bliss. These emotions can get in the way. Sometimes it’s simply about the experience.

I am the son of a sailor and a social worker, the grandson of a gypsy, a dancer and a nurse. I spent my youth moving from port city to port city, watching a lot of road go by and reading World Book Encyclopedia. After my parents settled down on the Gulf Coast, I was a miscreant youth, destroying cars and taking the wrongs things too seriously and the right things not serious enough. Eventually I began replacing my imagination with experience.

I will use any salvaged wood but prefer swamp cypress and longleaf heartwood pine.

I despise waste. Particularly the waste of organic matter. Trees are magnificent. They were here before we arrived and they’ll be around after we are gone. I’m making an effort to save as much wood as possible. Creating art is fun too. But beyond communicating with folks, but beyond making money ad providing for myself, beyond rescuing flooded parts, beyond reveling in the ethereal aroma of heartpine that hasn’t seen the light of day in 400 years, beyond all that, I am trying to make a simple comment on waste.

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